Sometimes It Just Hits You

I had a kind of sad moment last night, full of mixed emotions. My family and I had been at my parents house enjoying General Conference, dinner and the company of a couple of my brothers' families. We drove home kind of late and Hewitt fell asleep on the way.

I unbuckled him from his carseat and carried his sweet sleeping body into the house. I realized that I rarely get to hold him, or any of my children for that matter, while they sleep. So when I got downstairs I sat with him in the rocking recliner instead of placing him in his bed. I got a little teary-eyed as it set in that these moments, as rare as they currently are, will soon be gone altogether. As much as I sometimes wish my kids would "grow up," in that moment I wanted time to stop. I wanted to keep him a two-year old forever.

As I held him, I knew that I wasn't longing or hoping for another child. I feel complete, albeit overwhelmed, with the four I have. It was just bittersweet to hold a tiny, innocent, sleeping angel in my arms and know this child is it. All the sweet moments you experience while looking in awe at a newborn or small infant are about to expire in this household. And while I love my nieces and nephews, and have a couple on the way to enjoy as newborns, nothing compares to the love you feel for your own children.

I'm glad I took a minute to experience the tenderness I felt. They may grow up and change, but they'll always be my babies.

The Message

Our family had a yard sale yesterday. The kids thought it was great to turn some of our household items into cash. Kenley, apparently, was especially excited because she called my mom (without my knowledge) and left this message on her machine:

"Hi Gammie, um, we're having a yard sale today (sigh). I just want to let you know that we're having a, um, yard sale today. We're having a yard sale, um, and I was just wondering if you could come and buy some stuff. K, bye!"

What? Me on a Mountain?

From the moment I was called to go to Girls Camp I was worried about "the hike." By all accounts this hike is the most dreaded (and "suckiest") of all the level hikes required by our stake.

Also, I am a wimp. I have always been a wimp. I have little endurance and chronic, flu-like muscle aches on good days thanks to my companion, Fibromyalgia. And I've not had a lot of out-doorsy (it's a word!) exposure.

Then right before camp, I caught a cold. The can't-breathe-through-my-nose-my-throat-is-sore-and-scratchy-thanks-to-this-cough-where's-my-voice-? kind of cold. Needless to say, I was not confident that I would make it half-way up, let alone to the summit. But, in the name of leadership, I was determined to do my best. So after waking up at a time that, to me, was only fabled to exist, we drove up to the trail head and started out.

The first little bit was encouraging; a slow, gradual climb crossing a frigid creek several times in the cool morning air. The trail gradually steepened but was not yet uncomfortable and the 30 of us on the hike were in a pretty tight pack. We were continually encouraged by our guide, but I had a feeling that he was psyching us up for when the real hike began.We made it up to an old mine which in the late 19th century and the early 20th century produced more than $50 million in placer gold. We stopped there to snack and take a potty break. It was also there that we saw the first snow on the trail ahead.
That's when the trail started to get a bit more steep. The weather was warm and the snow was slowly melting creating some squishy mud. Also, the tree cover became more dense and we were swarmed with mosquitos. (100% Deet is amazing!!!) After we emerged from the forest we were met with a rocky climb in the sun. Here our pack started to lengthen, the eager and spry in the front, the determined yet slightly less enthusiastic in the middle (my group), and those who continued on only because they weren't allowed to get behind the leader bringing up the rear.

We were told that we would see a peak and it would appear as though we had reached the summit, but that it was not the end, there would be a little up and down before we would reach the peak. Even with that in mind it was still discouraging to reach that point and see that there was still a good distance ahead of me.

As I began the slight descent my knee started to ache and I realized that it was going to hurt the entire way down. I was overcome by doubt and told the small group with me to go ahead, I needed to rest. As soon as they were out of sight I began to cry. I had come much farther than I thought I could already, yet I could see the summit looming ahead. I wanted to reach it. I said a little prayer and as I finished I saw the group behind me hit the same peak that brought me discouragement. I knew that if I sat and waited for them, we'd all stop there and never reach the summit. And I felt that if I got up and continued on that we'd all make it to the top.

So I began to climb again. I lost sight of the top as I walked alone along the ridge of one of the tallest mountains in our area. The climbing wasn't difficult, but every downhill step brought a stab of pain to my knee. I kept thinking of the words of one of the other leaders, "If you can make it to the top you will know that you can do hard things."

I felt like The Little Engine That Could. I kept telling myself, "I can do hard things." Before I knew it I could again see the summit and the sea of red t-shirts..my girls. They cheered me on, bringing fresh tears to my eyes, and then I had made it! I was at the top!!!

Soon after, we could see the last small group of girls climbing the trail. We cheered them on and in a short amount of time we were all there. 30 girls and leaders, 3000+ feet above the trail head, looking out from the highest peak (9,803 ft!) in every direction. It was a beautiful sight! I was so thankful for the encouragement the girls had lent each other and for the fact that we had made it as a group. We all agreed that our hoagie sandwiches tasted amazing after the strenuous climb and enjoyed the view. I gave a short devotional on the saying, "When you see a man standing on a mountain, remember, he wasn't placed there," reminding the girls that we had a goal, but each of us had to take our own steps to achieve that goal, and so it is in life.

Then we were given the go-ahead to take off down the mountain. That was the worst part of the hike for me. My knee was unhappy with every step, but stopping to rest made no sense. Every downhill stride was going to hurt, and that was the reality. I felt bad holding everyone up, but another of the girls was experiencing the same pains, so we slowly and gingerly made our way down the mountain. I was thankful for those who could have easily gone ahead yet waited for us and kept us company on our descent.

Along the hike I saw more butterflies than I've probably seen in my entire life, tons of wildflowers and some amazing and rare-for-me views, but no sight was quite so welcome as that of our parked vehicles in the small clearing at the end of the trail. The hike was complete, all the girls had made it and were accounted for and I was reassured to know I can do hard things.

3 AM Ponderings

April, May, June, August and September are sometimes used as names but I've never met a January, February, March, July, October, November or December.

Why are "ticks" louder than "tocks?"

Maybe I shouldn't have drank that Dr. Pepper at 10:30.

Around the House

Here are a few of the plants that I've been enjoying at my house.

Lobelia

Purple Robe Locust - Love, love, love this tree!
Osteospermum

Pansy

Dahlia

Bearded Iris

Double Columbine

I've enjoyed it...by the sweat of my brow!

All the Small Things

Jack has started playing t-ball. Wait...scratch that. We paid for him to play t-ball but Jack heard it was 2 hours a week of sitting in the dirt looking for bugs and doing the potty dance in the infield. It's okay though, he's four and apparently some of the other parents paid for their kids to do somersaults and throw dirt at the opposing team. T-ball - it's versatile.


*****

I think Isaac's going crazy being home. He's used to school where there is always something to and the day is very regimented and I think it's driving him crazy that we don't do that at home. Consequently, he wants to spend his day playing the Wii or computer and watching TV because that's all he can think to do. He has, however, been a star about doing his chores. His room has been kept very neat and he's been willing to get his chores done without much nagging on my part. I've just got to be better about helping him find things to do.

*****

Last night Kenley walked up to me with a small, hand-held massager and said, "I got your 'sabotager', now I'm going to sabotage you!" What a silly!

*****

Hewitt won 3rd place in his age division in a coloring contest! My mother-in-law brought over pictures for the kids to color for a contest @ work. Hewitt takes his coloring pretty seriously. He gets his face close to the pictures and makes small, deliberate markings on specific areas. He even holds the crayons correctly. He received a large, white 3rd place ribbon and a $10, WalMart gift card for his prize! What a kid!

Little Grease Ball

I'm so thankful for cameras and blogs.
Hewitt is grateful, too.

Without them he might not have survived this morning.

The Vaseline has been put away. Now if only there were someone here to watch him. ;^)

I threw away the clothes, but the child...