Monday, October 03, 2011

Sometimes It Just Hits You

I had a kind of sad moment last night, full of mixed emotions. My family and I had been at my parents house enjoying General Conference, dinner and the company of a couple of my brothers' families. We drove home kind of late and Hewitt fell asleep on the way.

I unbuckled him from his carseat and carried his sweet sleeping body into the house. I realized that I rarely get to hold him, or any of my children for that matter, while they sleep. So when I got downstairs I sat with him in the rocking recliner instead of placing him in his bed. I got a little teary-eyed as it set in that these moments, as rare as they currently are, will soon be gone altogether. As much as I sometimes wish my kids would "grow up," in that moment I wanted time to stop. I wanted to keep him a two-year old forever.

As I held him, I knew that I wasn't longing or hoping for another child. I feel complete, albeit overwhelmed, with the four I have. It was just bittersweet to hold a tiny, innocent, sleeping angel in my arms and know this child is it. All the sweet moments you experience while looking in awe at a newborn or small infant are about to expire in this household. And while I love my nieces and nephews, and have a couple on the way to enjoy as newborns, nothing compares to the love you feel for your own children.

I'm glad I took a minute to experience the tenderness I felt. They may grow up and change, but they'll always be my babies.