Well, tomorrow is the big day. People keep saying things like, "You must be excited!" The truth is, right now, I can't really wrap my mind around having another baby. It's like I expected to be perpetually pregnant and this whole "birth" thing seems like a surprise.
Perhaps it's because, so far, there have been no surprises. I'm not used to that. So the fact that I'm still pregnant at 38 weeks and that I have a date for the actual delivery is kind of foreign to me. On the one hand it's been nice to have a date to look forward to. However, I've still been on alert - paying attention to every contraction and carefully feeling for the baby's movements. I feel bad saying it, but I guess I feel a little let down. Not that I wanted that emergency, far from it, I've just been waiting for one because of my history.
I suppose what I'm feeling is a strange form of relief. I've been expecting the unexpected and I guess what I've been met with, in the end, really was unexpected - a full term pregnancy with no emergencies. At any rate, I'm sure all of this will be just mindless prattle tomorrow when I get to hold my new baby boy and see just how worth waiting for he's been.
Hmm, I just read through all that, it sounds a little depressing. Don't get me wrong. Our family has been praying that the baby would be healthy and full term. I truly feel that our prayers have been answered, for which I am immensely grateful. Today I am just feeling a lot of anxiety which, hopefully, will dissipate as the day progresses and I can focus on what tomorrow really means - another one of Heavenly Father's most valiant spirits will join our family and be encircled in our love.
Maybe it would help me if he had a name. :0)