Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Dear Son,

I'm sorry that I was not a very good mother today. I did not feel well and I gave you very little attention today as I tended to myself and my own needs. I tried to sleep during your sister's nap and left you to your own devices. Then as you entered my room, probably because you only wanted the attention of your mother, I often snapped at you and told you to be quiet, leave the room, go finish your movie and the like. I didn't try to explain to you why Mommy needed rest. I treated you as though you were an older child able to tend himself without any supervision. I asked you to act beyond your years. For that I am sorry. I should have realized that you are barely 3, and no matter how brilliant I think you are, you are still a toddler!

And yet, you did act beyond your years today. I know you tried to stay quiet and play by yourself. You whined less than usual - which I hope you keep up, by the way - and used your "nice voice" when you asked for things. And although I was not very nice to you, you did not cry. I helped you brush your teeth and then you put yourself to bed. You did not ask for a story, a song or anything to drink. You even tucked yourself in. By the time I finished getting myself ready for bed you were already asleep. I came in, kissed you on the head and told you that I loved you. Then I realized that that was the first time I had told you that today and you didn't even get to hear it. And then I cried.

I'm so proud of you. You're such a great kid, in spite of me. I'm sorry that you didn't get the love and attention from your mother today that you deserve. I hope you'll forgive me, and I hope you don't remember this day. I do hope, however, that you remember tomorrow, because I promise you it will be better.



Katie said...

Beautiful post, Gwen. Thank you for being so honest. Isaac isn't sweet and brilliant in spite of you---it's because of you. Days like today don't happen to him very often, so he deals with them well when they do come around. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

Kik said...

This letter is really sweet...so sweet in fact it almost made me cry. Your little boy seems like such a doll and I'm sure he didn't take this day nearly as hard as you did. Hopefully you'll feel better tomorrow and you can have a great day together!