Well Gwen assured you that I would contribute the riveting conversation between me and our son as he sat trembling on my shoulders at the recent minor league baseball game we attended…But first, a disclaimer or two….to begin: my son is definitely a little fraidy cat about some of the most innocent things that many kids are drawn to like ants to a chocolate covered toddler, and yet loves other things that make teenagers cower and scream.
For instance: those commercials that have a hundred monkeys working in an office, eating paper, putting their phones in banana splits, photocopying their rear ends, (THAT’S HILARIOUS!) leave him screaming like any normal man at a Freddie Prinze Jr. movie. But a marathon of Jurassic Park, with huge dinosaurs ripping every creature to pieces, bloody parts everywhere, etc. is a riveting piece of entertainment to him and has been since about 18 months. So, the baseball game…
Isaac is deathly afraid of the team mascot roaming the stands.
I wish I could say the mascot was something nasty like The Devil or at least a little freaky like the green lobster they used to have, but no… it’s a bird. Pretend it’s a fat, grey, molting Big Bird with a hat on and you are in the neigborhood. So while this mascot roams the bleachers handing out candy and getting high fives (like my 1st grade principal on the last day of school), my son runs in the opposite direction before he wets himself.
After assuring him that it's okay and helping him high five the floppy beaked bird, Isaac insists on staying on my shoulders. About five or ten minutes later we have the following conversaion:
Isaac: (Still on my shoulders scouring the stands for the malicious mascot), "Daddy, is the bird gone?"
Me: Yes, son the bird is gone.
I: Is he all gone?
M: Yes he is ALL gone.
I: Is he coming back?
M: No, he is not coming back... (and if he does I am taking him to get a cold, seven dollar hot dog as long as he doesn't see the stupid thing again).
I: Did he drive away?
I: Did he go home?
M: Yes he probably went home...(really hoping that kid's contract doesn't require him to work past the seventh inning)
I: Did he take off his costume?
M: Yes, he took off his costume. ( I SWEAR that I did not tell him it was a costume, but wouldn't it have helped to know it wasn't real? I don't know...)
I: Did he go to bed in his room?
M: Um, yes, I think he went to his room.
Only then was it safe to crawl off my shoulders and take the water bottle away from his sister.